The Quiet Butterflies of Purple Summer
by Blue Penguin Lightning
Summary: Slightly AU. Beck and Jade don't have a broken relationship. They have broken bodies, but broken in very different ways, which is what affects their relationship. And not everything can be fixed…or can it? Beck and Jade aren't even sure of it.
1. The Harsh Reality of Life

Disclaimer: Believe me, if I was Dan, I'd be making alot more money and Jade would have a spinoff (well, knowing me, that probably wouldn't be a good idea, but Victorious would still be on the air).

For those of you who like my dark, angsty stuff, this is for you. Updates will be sporadic, depending on my mood, and I'm trying something a little different in this. Please let me know what you think.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**The Harsh Reality of Life**

* * *

_And all shall fade_

_The flowers of spring_

_The world and all the sorrow_

_At the heart of everything_

**-The Song of Purple Summer-**

**(Spring Awakening)**

It's fact: people go missing every day. It's a sad reality but it's true.

But when the person who goes missing is someone you know, that changes things. It's almost like a personal attack and while it wasn't directed at you, it hits you just as hard.

That's what happened to Beck Oliver. No one hurt him, not directly at least. But whoever did went after the person that hit him the hardest.

For the first few weeks, Beck and his friends were full force on finding their beloved dark friend. But as those days turned into weeks and those weeks turned into months, staying positive became difficult.

No clues.

No evidence outside from the struggle Jade must have put up since her boot print was the only thing police had been able to recover from the scene.

It was almost as if she had vanished into thin air.

The unknown drove them crazy, especially Beck. Perhaps the worst part of it all was that Beck might have been able to stop it. If he hadn't redone his hair and thrown his shirt in the dryer to get the extra wrinkles out (which didn't do a thing), he could have met up with Jade that much sooner.

To Beck, what happened to Jade was his fault. He could have stopped it but he didn't. He let it happen.

And the guilt drove him absolutely mad. So mad that he tried to end it all just to make it go away. He nearly succeeded too. Had André not walked in when he did, they would have lost two friends, and one would have most definitely been permanent.

So for the past two and a half months, Beck Oliver had been residing at a treatment center, but still hadn't made any significant strides in his recovery. His friends weren't sure he would ever really make any sort of progress until there was news about Jade.

The only bit of solace Beck managed to find was walking along the creek that resided not even half a mile from the treatment center. But the only time he was allowed to do that was if he was having a personal session with his therapist, and that was only because he couldn't stand being cooped up and analyzed in a building all the time.

But today, there something a bit different about that creek.

On the corner of the creek was a body wrapped in a coarse blanket. It was halfway into the river but there was a lone arm sticking out of the top, almost as if that arm was holding onto the grass for dear life.

That arm belonged to none other than Jade West.


	2. The Number Game

Disclaimer: So not Dan.

Thank you guys for the support. I'll try not to scare you like I did chapter. I said try. I can't promise that. But I'll try.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**The Number Game**

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_It's knowing what they want of me that scares me._

**-Dance of the Robe-**

**(Aida)**

Five months.

One hundred and forty three days.

That's how many days Jade had been missing for.

One hundred and forty two days.

That's how many days Jade was forced into silence, unable to utter a word or do anything other than breathe, with the exception of three words that would only haunt her now. They used to bring her comfort but now, they haunted her to the core.

One hundred and forty one days.

That's how many days Jade spent in the darkness, rarely ever seeing a glimpse of the sunlight or even a moment of artificial light.

Jade wasn't sure how she endured what she had, or even what she had done for her captor to roll her up in a blanket and discard her into a river like a piece of trash.

Or maybe it was captors. Jade never could figure it out. Having that blindfold on almost constantly took a lot out of her.

It never should have happened to her in the first place. She should have screamed when she felt an arm grab her before she had been completely silenced with a gun to her head. She blamed herself for that, several times a day. She blamed herself just as often for not fighting back when she was taken.

In a way, Jade's ordeal was almost entirely her fault, or at least that's how she thought about it. She didn't stop it. She let it happen.

Day one hundred and forty two.

Jade should have fought back on day one hundred and forty two. It was the second day she had woken up without wearing some sort of blindfold. She was cold, shivering from the attire she had been granted. Even though it was dirty, it was better than nothing. Two measly articles of clothing were certainly better than zero.

The room was dark, still not allowing her to see anything except for a small sliver of light from the door. A plate of half runny, half cooked scrambled eggs was slid under the door and Jade rushed to retrieve it. She scooped it up with her hands since she wasn't given any utensils and she knew better than to ask. She was starving; she wasn't going to risk losing what little bit of food she had gotten in the last thirty eight hours by asking for a fork.

_Ding_.

_Ding_.

Two bells. Jade had been conditioned on what those two bells meant. A lone tear slid down her face as she backed away to the wall, to the furthest corner away from the door.

She hated, and hate wasn't even a strong enough word, what happened when those two bells went off. The light from outside her door went black and she knew…

She knew…

That was how it started the first time…she had lost track how many times ago that was.

Day one hundred and forty three.

Jade awoke in a moving vehicle from the multitude of bumps and uneven terrain, even with the blindfold on. She couldn't move; her wrists were bound behind her back with two sets of handcuffs that crisscrossed each other. There was a rough blanket draped partway over her but it provided no warmth and very little comfort.

Jade was even more on alert when the vehicle stopped and heard the side door open. She didn't know what to expect but since she had never been transported outside of the night she was taken, she feared it was something worse than she had already experienced.

She screamed, hoping someone, anyone, would hear her.

Save her.

Just one person.

The blanket that had been draped around her was pulled tighter and Jade could tell that duct tape was being wrapped around her. Still, she continued to scream until a single, grimy finger was placed vertical against her lips."

"Goodbye."

Her captor placed a soft kiss on Jade's forehead. Jade was shaking as she felt a piece of duct tape come over her mouth after the kiss. She should have been relieved that kiss wasn't on her lips but still, Jade knew what was going to happen. She could hear the water rushing above the cold air blasting from the air conditioning of the vehicle.

It wasn't hard to put two and two together.

The water was beyond freezing as Jade was dropped inside and whisked away down the river. The current was strong and being immobilized didn't help Jade's situation.

She collided with a set of staggered rocks which caused one of her handcuffs to break and she felt it immediately. She pulled her right arm free and began to pull on her left, only to discover that the chain of the handcuff had been caught in the coarse fibers of the blanket.

But one arm was better than nothing and Jade knew that. She grabbed onto one of the rocks and tried to use her one arm to pull herself out of the water. She held onto the rock for dear life as she tried to pull her body from the current. She was weak; she knew that. So instead of wasting all her energy right then, Jade forced herself against the rocks so the river couldn't keep dragging her.

Despite being blindfolded, Jade was determined to make it out of this situation. As she stopped to catch her breath, the scent of grass began assaulting her senses. She pulled the piece of tape from her mouth and worked to undo the three knots holding her blindfold in place, even though she only had the use of one hand.

The light blinded her when she got the blindfold off, having not been used to see much of it at all over one hundred and forty three days. Using her free hand, she grabbed onto the edge of the grass and tried to pull herself up, only to find she didn't have the strength. At least her head was out of the water.

"What is that?"

Day one hundred and forty three.

Jade's physical ordeal was over.

Day one.

Jade's recovery begins.


	3. Quiet and Loud

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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**Chapter 3**

**Quiet and Loud**

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_When I see you, I catch my breath, forget my sorrow_

_And I miss you before you've left, you are tomorrow_

**-Touch My Soul-**

**(Bare: A Pop Opera)**

Beck absentmindedly kicked a pinecone along the banks of the creek as his therapist, Dr. Abigail Reilly, followed him closely. It had been one hundred and forty three days since Jade went missing. And the irony of the number killed him. It was the same number on his RV.

And that number meant something quite special to them.

Dr. Abigail Reilly made another mental note on Beck's body language on her PearPad. She had very quickly observed in the first few days of meeting Beck that Jade seemed to be his other half and he didn't know how function without her.

He had been trying to find a way to function without Jade but the not knowing was killing him. But he had promised André that he would never let go as far as it had before. He couldn't put André through that again, or anyone else for that matter. Losing Jade was hard for them too.

"Beck, what are you hoping for out of life?" she asked.

"That she's okay. That I'll see her again," he whispered. He sat down on the grass and picked up a rock. It was cragged unlike most of the rocks that made their home around the banks. It wasn't normal. Normal's boring. But it reminded him of her. Everything reminded him of her.

"Let's take Jade out of the equation."

"Can't. Just…I can't."

"Why can't you Beck?"

Beck looked up to see Bernard Stern, the lead counselor of the treatment center, standing behind him. He was worried that Beck wasn't going to make any progress and he couldn't let that happen. Beck didn't need to be going through that.

"Beck, I want to help you. You know that. But you've got to work with me so we can do that."

"I haven't thought about that day. I don't want to go anywhere near it again," Beck softly admitted. "I know I screwed up."

Dr. Reilly sat down next to her patient. "Do you still have those thoughts?"

Beck nodded his head. He couldn't imagine how to function without Jade and he wasn't exactly sure how he had done it for so long now.

"But as long as I don't act on them, it's okay, right?"

"It's a step in the right direction."

"I'm trying. I am."

"We know."

Beck was silent. His depression was slowly eating at him every day, but he hadn't confided that in Dr. Reilly. He knew he should have but he could never bring himself to do it. He was supposed to be strong. All his friends had relied on him and in reality, only he could rely on himself to get better. No one else. Just him.

"What is that?" he softly asked aloud, although not to anyone in particular.

Beck got up swiftly and moved down the banks of the river. Dr. Reilly and Dr. Stern didn't know what had gotten into Beck. They had been observing him closely for the last three months and this didn't seem like normal behavior.

"Follow him," Dr. Stern ordered.

Dr. Reilly nodded her head and handed her colleague her PearPad.

Beck picked up his pace, desperate to know what was on the edge of the stream. His heart stopped when he saw an arm. It seemed familiar, but then again, everything reminded him of Jade, so who really knew what was reality and what wasn't anymore.

And then, he saw the hair and he knew, right then and there, he knew it was Jade. It had to be Jade. Otherwise life was just about the play the cruelest practical joke of all time. But when a small groan escaped the girl's lips, Beck knew, without a doubt in his mind, that it was Jade.

"Jade?" Beck tried.

Jade was breathing heavily but it was evident that she was alive. And Beck was relieved, if only for a moment. Jade was alive.

Jade wasn't dead.

But Beck was desperate to hear her voice.

He started to pull at the blanket, which had to weigh at least three times what it usually did with the amount of water it had absorbed. But he couldn't leave Jade here. He needed her to be safe.

"Bernard!" Dr. Reilly called.

Dr. Stern picked up his pace and was at his colleague's side in a matter of moments. Dr. Reilly had her arms wrapped around the blanket but it clearly outweighed what she was able to move. But as long as Jade's head was above the water, that was a step in the right direction.

"You shouldn't be moving her," Dr. Stern pointed out.

"Why?"

"It's a crime scene."

"I don't care! I'm not leaving her in the water. This water is cold year round. Who knows how long she's been in it."

Dr. Stern saw her point and began to pull the blanket up with her. It was evident that Jade was wrapped tightly in it. There were still, or what looked like at least, remnants of tape on it, albeit broken and starting to peel off. As Dr. Reilly and Dr. Stern safely pulled Jade from the water, Beck could only stand by helplessly. But in just moments, he could hold her in his arms.

He could tell her how much he missed her.

He could tell her how much he loved her.

"I need you to step back," Dr. Stern ordered Beck, guiding him with his head as he did the same thing. But Beck to a step forward as Jade began to stir.

As Jade opened her eyes though, the last thing Beck expected her to do was start screaming. He had never had that kind of response from her. She tried to pull free, but the broken part of the handcuff was still trapped in the fibers of the blanket.

"Call an ambulance and get Beck out of here!" Dr. Reilly shouted. She wrapped her arms around Jade, hoping to calm her down, as she whispered quiet, almost reassuring words.

Jade continued to scream and thrash around though. It was the most bloodcurdling scream Beck had ever heard and it rang in his ears. Jade had never screamed like that. As long as Beck had known her, Jade had never been terrified. But Jade's scream emanated true terror.

"I can't leave her," Beck argued. "I can't.

But Beck's words were hardly heard over Jade. If Dr. Stern hadn't pulled Beck back, he probably wouldn't moved at all.

There were so many questions.

But only one ran rampant and was most prominent in his mind:

What in the hell happened to Jade?

Beck wished he knew the answer.

Maybe.

Right then, all he wanted was to hold her in his arms and tell her it was okay…even though he knew it wasn't.


	4. Alone, Even with Company

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

Author's Note: So I forgot to this last chapter, but actingwithscissors asked me to give them a shoutout so here you go!

I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get out. Let's just say that balancing out several different projects takes a toll after awhile. I actually spent all morning rereading the second half of Rekindle, and it made me realize how much I loved you guys. (And also how I should NEVER put you through the wringer like I did.)

It's not my intention to abandon this but please do realize that if my original piece wants to take priority, I have to let it. It's older.

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**Chapter 4**

**Alone, Even with Company**

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_But now our bodies are the guilty ones_

_Who touch and color the hours_

_Night won't breathe, oh, how we_

_Fall in silence from the sky_

–**The Guilty Ones–**

**(Spring Awakening)**

Abigail Reilly rode in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, explaining to the emergency paramedics exactly what had happened when Beck had found Jade. And as soon as Bernard got Beck back into the facility, he too rushed to the hospital. Upon arriving, he found his colleague talking to one of the doctors on staff.

"How is she?"

Dr. Reilly shook her head. "We've seen bad cases before Bernard, but there's something different about this one. I can feel it. And it doesn't help that we're treating her boyfriend either."

"But we might be able to use that to our advantage. It may help both of them. Stay here. Try to get through to her. I'll head back, start making some phone calls and talk to the police."

She nodded her head as her superior headed back down the hall and left the hospital. Jade was going to be interesting to say the least.

* * *

Jade's eyes were wide in fear and she wouldn't allow herself to close them. Besides, she had been in the darkness long enough.

She wouldn't let anyone touch her either. So when the doctors and nurses couldn't get to her, they allowed Dr. Reilly, who had ridden in the ambulance with her, to try to reason with Jade. But Jade wasn't interested in being reasoned with. She wanted to forget and cut ties with everything. She knew, or at least believed, that it was only a matter of time before everyone else betrayed her too.

She didn't understand why this had happened to her. What could she had possibly done to deserve this? Why had she been dumped in the river like a piece of garbage? As much as she wanted to forget it all, she couldn't get it out of her head. But it wasn't something she knew she would be able to discuss. Who would believe her anyway?

"I'd like a few minutes alone with her," Dr. Reilly requested, holding her PearPad tightly. What she was about to do was going to be a longshot to say the least, but there was a small possibly that it would do something.

The two nurses who had been attending to Jade looked over at the supervising doctor, who nodded his head. Jade wasn't sure if she should have felt relieved or not. While it was a relief to not have to protect herself from being poked and prodded and everything else, she knew there was no way to speak of what had happened to her.

Dr. Reilly took a seat next to Jade's bed and waited for her to say something, but Jade didn't emit a sound. Other than the loud, almost piercing scream she let out earlier, Jade was silent, even when she was being examined. Silence kept her alive, with the exception of three words. She could only hope the same principle would apply now.

"Jade, you can talk freely here. This is a safe place," Dr. Reilly said.

She shook her head, but didn't bother to make any sort of eye contact. She was too afraid to talk, something she never thought she would ever be. But after first night, nothing really mattered.

It wasn't hard to tell that Jade was starting to retreat back into herself. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, burying her face between them. She wanted nothing more to be invisible at the moment, and for everyone to forget her.

Dr. Reilly sighed. "He talks about you all the time. Do you remember him?"

Jade picked her head up. A lone tear slid down Jade's face as she stared at the picture of Beck on the Pearpad and then Dr. Reilly. How was she supposed to trust her? How was she supposed to trust anybody? She shook her head. She couldn't. The one person that was supposed to keep her safe betrayed her. That person had practically done this to her. She was never going to get over that.

More importantly though: why was Dr. Reilly trying to do by showing her this picture?

She reached out and touched it, even though she knew very well that she would not allow Beck to touch her if he was here. Actually, she didn't even want to see Beck because that would have meant that he would be seeing her and she didn't want that.

"Is there someone we can contact for you?"

Jade shook her head. She didn't have family, not anymore in her head at least. It was more than evident that the person who should have cared didn't. Dr. Reilly had seen a vast array of cases, but she knew Jade's case was going to be the hardest one she ever dealt with. It was evident to her that Jade understood everything that was being asked, but the fact that she wasn't saying a word or eliciting a sound was different. Selective mutism wasn't exactly unknown to Dr. Reilly, but it wasn't something she had a lot of experience in. And even after questioned Jade for hours without pushing her, the young girl didn't make a sound, but it was obvious she was over all these questions.

"Dr. Reilly, I understand that you have a job to do, but it's also my responsibility to look after my patient. She's tired. She's exhausted. She needs to rest right now," the attending doctor finally said, forcing Dr. Reilly to give it a rest.

She knew the doctor was right too. The last thing she needed to be doing was overwhelming Jade. Whatever Jade had gone through, it was only the beginning.

"Get some rest. You're safe here," Dr. Reilly told her, turning the lights out.

Jade wanted to reach out, but as a sound escaped her lips, she immediately covered her mouth. She knew better than to speak out or say anything. It was the first thing she had been taught. But Dr. Reilly quickly saw the signs of a panic attack. She quickly flipped the lights back on and looked at Jade. Her face was red; her breathing was erratic.

"Would you like me to leave the lights on for you?"

Jade looked at the lightswitch and felt her heart racing again. She didn't want to go back in the darkness. No more darkness. Bad things happened in the dark.

"We can leave the lights on. Try to get some rest, alright?"

Jade didn't say anything as Dr. Reilly left the room. Her wrists were red from where they had been handcuffed, but she didn't want to touch them with anyone around. She was sure they were going to scar.

It didn't matter. It was all cosmetic. It was what was inside that really did scar her: the betrayal, the pain, the humiliation. That wasn't going to go away and there was nothing that could make it. No amount of comfort or money or even love could change that.

And despite being in a comfortable bed, adorned with a thick, luscious blanket that was sure to keep her warm, Jade was terrified to sleep. She was afraid of the nightmares that were bound to plague her. She didn't know what was going to happen now. But she knew one thing: nothing was ever going to be the same.


End file.
